A tribute to Sher!

To him who was there in the dark of the night,
to listen to my happiness and my plight
Who, without saying a word
made sure i don't feel like turd
Who knew i was home before anyone else had a clue
Walks with him were fun and true
Who now, is making another life well
Alas! i wont meet him, for he is in heaven and i sure will be in hell!
To Sher, the Spark of life!

Not that important

I really don't care about her anymore.

Did she get her auto this morning, did he overcharge?

Did she comb her hair or just ran her fingers through them?

Did sun burnt her yet again?

Was her boss rude this morning too?

Did she argue with another colleague?

Did her dog eat his favorite ice-cream?

Did she stop and consoled a random person she saw upset today?

Did she scold her mom for eating sweets?

Did she wake up her boyfriend this morning too?

Did she freak out at this friend of his who hits on him?

Did her headphones work when she needed them too?

Did she learn how to drive?

Did her bhabhi settle down post marriage?

Did her mom recover well from her ailment?

Did she scroll down and looked at my no. before deciding on not calling?

Did she sent a silent prayer on my birthday?

No, I really don't care about her anymore...

Man over matter..

"There is a village some 35 km from Abz where i integrated the community to make it a rural tourism village in 3 years" "oh wow! but three years? i am a fauji, i do things quickly, like in a blink of an eye. i opened 3 schools for impoverished girls in 6 months. that is my speed" "oh UP is not that difficult. the real challenges lie in Jharkhand" " what is it in Jharkhand that is so difficult? there are more poor people, more chances. had i been here, i would have opened 30 schools in 3 years and integrated i don't know how many communities" "its easier if you are in a region where you are well versed with language, try working in areas where communication itself becomes a challenge" "oh what is so difficult about it, i can learn languages in a snap of a finger" "it's easier said than done. i have worked across India and i know 15 languages. Don't tell me how to learn languages" "no no i am not, just saying quick learning abilities help!" "u mean i am dumb.." "@#%^&*.." "*&^%$##$%" .....

and i thought they met to share experiences, help each other and lead towards a more eg'a'litarian society....

Alas! The 'o' has defeated the 'a' ... yet again...

The Illusion

Wandering alone in the woods of eternity

I find myself lost in the labyrinth

Occasionally, there is a marker here or there

But alas! i know not, i want to go where

My soul is lost in the darkness that surrounds

It has forgotten what light is

It takes steps, directionless

These footsteps, they echo back in the void

My soul has wandered for ages now, one lifetime to another

In search of a place it can call home

Its quest seems never ending, with nothing in sight

I thought this will complete me

I worked hard and achieved it

But it seems meaningless now

like a plant that doesn't grow even after sown

I need to keep looking

Keep searching while i walk

I might stumble across something that would heal the wounds

Made by repeated falling on the ground

The pain now seems addictive or maybe i have numbed

Tears flow down and flood my life

I know myself i will need to wipe

From somewhere a tear sneaks into the wound

It burns I yell with no one to hear

Its time. I look at the shining knob

Still sobbing, reluctantly, I open the door

I step into blinding light

Ah! there is my family, my friend and my enemy

Together they welcome me back

To the Illusion they call Life..!!!

Can i be me?

I walk through the forest, lost in the labyrinth

Of not the trees around me but thoughts that clutter my mind

The trees they sway their branches, leaves flapping in the breeze

They seem to call out to me, make me feel at ease

Oh is it me, i wonder, who feels so sad

or is it just the world that is so bad

It might be either, i hear a voice, or none at all

Don't erect around you, a formidable wall

Let yourself breathe, it says, the air liberates

Give people a chance, comrade it might generate

But i am scared, i said to the wise old tree

of becoming a person that never was me

of getting lost to the crowd that surrounds

of loosing my voice in the cacophony of sounds

It looked at me with ever knowing eyes

You always have an option to choose

its the courage that you lack, that makes you loose

You are born to be happy and free and fulfilled

Not here to think every task is uphill

Have faith in yourself, believe in the Lord

Keep looking for what will resonate with your heart

Then even at the most trying times, your spirit will sail you through

You'll be home with yourself, peace prevail, your eyes will smile too.

A chance to be..!

Give myself a chance to be

Let me know, who is me

Let me cut the strings tying me down

I am trying to swim before i drown.

The skies are wide with clouds and birds

I look up and think, am i one in the herd?

Just then i see a solitary bird

Weren't he supposed to be with his flock.

It seemed he smiled at me and said

It's by choice that i am made

Did you notice, my wonderful dive

I had to for it, strive and strive.

Then he said pointing to his flock miles away

Had you noticed me if, with them i sway?

Don't be scared, listen to your heart

It'll show you the way to your world.

The uniform and the hoop

The birds woke me up with their chatter. 'The' morning was finally here. I opened my eyes, and there it was. On the hanger on the wall opposite. Hanging smartly, ironed, my uniform. My first day to school. I stood up from the bed hurriedly, and started to get ready. School. Wow! My dream. I'll have children my age to play with, masters who set me lessons to do. I'll get free lunch during recess. I will become a doctor and treat my mother who is always ill. I got ready, put on my new shoes, packed my new copy in my new school bag. Combed my hair. While looking at myself in the mirror, i hung the bag on my shoulders. I do look smart. Very handsome indeed. Then i heard the honking of the school van. Slap! Yell! Honk! Honk! Cough! Dust! Smoke! Another slap. i saw my father shouting for me to wake up - "Uth, roti kahan se aayegi warna." I woke up. Stood up from the rug, put on the slippers made from used plastic bottles. My eyes searched for my metal hoop. My brother was standing at a distance with a small drum in his hand. I looked around, saw my mother coughing, father already gulping down the desi tharra. I saw the children across the road on the pavement, going to school. "Chal jaldi" came my brother's voice. I looked at him. I looked at them. Picked up the hoop. Went to the traffic light with my brother and his drum and my hoop and began to perform.

Perhaps, someday, i will hear a school van calling out for me. For now, i'll have to do with honking trucks and cars passing by.

Accounting life!!

The guy who devised the double entry book keeping system was a genius! In an effort to define financial accounting, this person actually made an equation of life. The more i think about it, the more sense it makes. Lets begin with the going concern concept. The concept states that 'the business will continue to operate for the foreseeable future and that it isn't suddenly going to cease trading.' As the business continues even after the end of the financial year, so does the journey of the soul. It doesn't end with a closure called death. As with a business, the assets and liabilities are carried on to the next financial year, so is with the soul. All the deeds are carried on to the next life. There is a profit and a loss, a balance that is carried forward to the next life.

Why is it that when you are travelling on a metro thinking what a terrible day it has been, a stranger with the most beautiful smile in the world comes and starts talking? You are normally an introvert but talking to that stranger comes easily to you. You pour your heart out and by the time he has to de-board, you are already feeling better. He was your debtor who just paid what he owed. At times, you do everything right. You try to be the best person you can be with that very special friend of yours. Whatever you do, circumstances become such that you are always hurt. How much ever you try, things do not work out. It pains. Its like a wound that doesn't heal. Why me? Why me God? Because my child, it was your liability. You were unjust to that person at some time, in some life. Its payback time. When you were suffering, your debts were getting repaid. Does that soothe the pain? No. But, another debt repaid!

You've set your self a target. You are relentlessly trying to achieve it. You are working really hard, thinking about it, planning for it and working towards it with all sincerity and dedication. Congratulations, you've just put in the equity in the business. Your own source of fund. No outside liability. Something that will stay till your journey in this cosmos continues. Something that life owes you. What do you rely on when you've suffered a setback? When you have been knocked out? You look upto the strongest thing in existence for support. Your spirit. The only unbreakable unit in this vulnerable, changing-by-the-minute universe. All the learnings, all the experiences of your being, are stored here. You greatest intangible asset. It can never be rightly valued and is mostly undervalued. The valuation is dependent completely on perception. It is only you who can appreciate its importance. It keeps you going. The fixed assets that you have created are your achievements. With every good deed, you increase the profit and add it to the reserves. Something that the business, life, owes you, the promoter and the only shareholder. With every evil deed, these reserves deplete and losses begin to occur. Loss is an asset in the book of life, now life doesn't owe you anything. It is vice versa. Time to put in more equity and make the business profitable. Be good. Whatever is left after paying your debts, facing losses, making the business run etc etc is the cash balance. The time you spend smiling. The times when you are happy.

And then, another financial year draws to a close. Another, yet to begin!

Bon Voyage..

One fine morning, before the daybreak, i took my car and started on a journey. I had no destination in mind. All i knew, was what would it feel like when i reach there.

The fuel meter indicated a refill. I headed to the gas station. It was pitch dark. The only light came from the feeble tube light at the gas station and the head lights of my car. After getting my car it's fill, i began the voyage. I left the city behind. Vast expanses of cultivated land flanked the highway. A little while later, a sign board caught my attention. I took a left. As soon as i turned, i bumped into a speed breaker. Another one. Another one. The street that had looked so inviting from the outside was completely repulsive from the inside. Old rotten houses, decaying cafes, pot-holed roads. I began looking for an exit. I wanted to go back to the highway, or any other street- but this one. I took the first right i encountered more out of desperation than choice. I was thankful of leaving behind the dreadful street. But as soon as i began noticing this street, i realized it was no better than the last one. Keep moving, i thought, something good will come up. Left. Right. Right. Left. Left..................I was lost. A final turn, i thought. The sun had begun to rise. I took the first turn a came across. Ahead, lay a narrow road, lined with trees that formed a canopy. First beams of the sun sneaked between the leaves to touch the ground. It led me to a river. White, flowing over the boulders, taking away with it all the stillness, reflecting the sun rays. The sun had risen. It was splendid. I got out of my car. Closed my eyes. Air gushed through me. I smiled. I had reached my destination.

One or two??

This is a story about two best friends Diana and Sunny. Two poles of the same axis. Sweet, salty. Calm, short tempered. Rational, stubborn. Lively, gloomy. One cries - other wipes her tears. One frowns - other makes her smile. One looses hope - other shows her the sun. One pains - other soothes. One shrivels - other blossoms. But then just as the poles have a single center of gravity, so do they.. two different personalities.. one life. One her!

Confused..??

Confusion... confusion!!! My confusion is stubborn, very stubborn and why not, it is 'my' confusion after all. I am someone who takes a decision and sticks to it-no matter what. However, this rule has been broken completely about something very important in my life. Confusion has clouded my thoughts so completely that i cannot see through it. If I draw up the list of possible career choices that i've thought of since i was a kid, well, it will take all the space this blog can give me and more. I've thought of being an astronaut, a writer, a journalist, a travel show host, an RJ, a sky diving instructor, a sailor, a pilot, a painter, an army person... What i never thought of being is what i am today - a banker. I never knew what all a banker does, in fact, for me a banker was a funny looking person sitting at a counter with a frown on his face, handing out cash! Thats about it. I had no clue or inclination whatsoever to know what a banking person does (i am still figuring it out). Weird?? Definitely :) But then 'Life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans!!'

I am still trying to figure out what i want to do.. what is my reason to roam this planet... At the present moment, the confusion reigns. I am keeping my fingers crossed, for the clouds to clear some day and the sun to shine through.

Happy realization..!!

Oh well..!! i have nothing to write about today but just felt like writing something..anything! My day was pretty much the same.. as any other day so nothing new on that front. Something out of the ordinary did happen today.. i was happy at work! Well there is something I've deduced today..its allllll in your mind (your what???). No, on a serious note - things aren't as bad as we make them to be. i guess we are the lucky ones who have a job, learn something everyday, have a comfortable life, can indulge occasionally etc etc. I was reading this article in times of India editorial yesterday that said that if the criteria of classification for poverty line was changed to family income of USD 2 per day(currently it is USD 1), 80% of India's population would be BPL. Shocking?? Precisely. So hasn't God been kind to us??? We are amongst the privileged few who can access the internet or for that matter amongst the few who can read. I don't see why we, I, have to crib about something or the other all the time. Is there a need to do so?? i don't think so. Do you??

PS: i hope this realization doesn't vanish like a fart in the fan factory tomorrow morning when i have to go back to work!!

And the search ends..

It is a winter morning and the town is enveloped in mist. I am walking through the busy street of ‘Memoir’ looking for something, someone I've wanted to find for too long now. The street is lined on both sides by shops selling everything mankind can dream of. I stop at a store. The signage reads ‘Reader’. I peep in. lovely oak wood shelves with ornate carvings invite me in. I walk through the revolving doors. Surf few sections, chat up with a stranger giving him a un-asked-for review of one of my favorites, pick up a fiction and walk back to the street.

Coats – cashmere, mink, suede, sweater, and trench - catch my eyes. As if echoing my thoughts, a gush of wind blows sending a chill down my spine. I pick up a trench coat. Its noon now and I hear a grumbling sound. My feet are effortlessly drawn to the aroma of grilled jalapeno cheese sandwich and steaming hot coffee. Its ‘Break-time’. I take my fill and step out - to find a friend of yesteryears chasing her toddler. He comes to a halt on reaching me. We chat up a few minutes, too busy to stay and go our ways.

Oh! I remember about the grocery list in my bag. I look for a departmental store and refill the supplies. I look at the time. It flies. I confirm. I am tired. I put my bags down and rest my back against the rails that run along the river bank. I pause and realize I have forgotten all about the search. I promise myself to resume it soon, very soon, some other day. When I am not so worn out. I turn around to face the flowing river. The sun makes its way through the mist. And I see her. Amidst the hustle and bustle of the street. Laughing. Playing. Singing to herself. Her walk is a dance, in sync with the universe. Wind plays the music to match her step. I stare at her in awe. She looks at me. Smiles. I smile back. I have found her. Me.